What is on my mind?
When it is not enough what you have or do, and when is where no ability or right to be sad about it, because where are no one who would come over. This is makes me more strong or to say true dispassionate this mean that I am not influenced by strong emotion and can easily stay calm. If one year ago I was still fighting inside me in stressful situations, now I am so cold, that everything what is happening around cannot do an impact for me. Being emotionally numb. Follow the rule to simply find my shortest answer for everything. Dead-pan face or fake smiling. I am in competition with myself. Who is going to win? Can I give up and become a crying person?
On the one hand, I look like a person who are sitting in front of his/hers laptop all day long, being online on Facebook, uploading photos, changing status or surfing the web. May I look like interesting, busy and a happy person? Or, am I lack of attention? How I look like? Do I really care? Yes, not too much, but I am still curious about it. Who is not? What about you?
The first month of summer pasted really fast. I can easily count hours when I was sitting alone and having nothing to do. I spend a lot of time with friends. I spend some time with family and I spend some nights with my kitty. I was always on the road if not directly, so definitely on my minds. I am tired, because of this, but at the same time my blood is boiling to take actions and make new plans for the next day. Every day, I am doing and trying something new what should make me happy, but nooo … I am not happy at all and I cannot stay still. I need to do something even it is not what I am looking for. As I know me I will be active till middle of September when will come a chilly weather and dark days. On what time, I will start to look for a good place to hide during the hardest period of the year December. Sadly, I am definitely patient.
Finally, I got an opportunity to celebrate Independence Day. It was not easy to get in, but with a desire for it all doors are open. There is nothing too much to say about the celebration. I am sure, that YOU have seen it on TV several times. All the smiling people dressed up in colors: blue, white and red and waving flags. Kids were playing around and having lots of fun. Everyone are communicating with each another, drinking champagne, eating small treats. Later singing a national anthem, watching fireworks and flying fighters planes. This is what I expected. A good atmosphere and a good feeling inside me.
Still living and I am here. Making my own decisions. And consulting with myself.